Nurture Resilience By Embracing Wellbeing

Welcome to Yes Women’s Network. Thank you for being with us today. Today we are going to be covering well-being, and I’ve got with me today Jodi Lemmon and Valinda Hanks. Thank you for being with me today. This is going to be a good one.

It was awesome. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so when we talk about well-being, it’s an overall state of how we feel, how we function, how we flourish in our daily lives. And it’s more than just being healthy or kind of when you think of health and healthy, it goes beyond that.

And it’s about living in a way that allows us to thrive physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, emotionally. There are so many aspects of it. And I want to cover what we can and help women realize they’re not alone in trying to acquire or accomplish a state of well-being that is healthy for them. Mm-hmm. No, I agree with that.

And when we sat down and we decided our four pillars, we had talked about finance and fitness and we decided with our fitness we should do a well-being instead of the fitness part of it so it’s not just fitness it’s our mental state it’s our emotional state it’s how we feel with our families and our friends and our community and how we can and we’ve actually talked about you know how can we cover all of that at once because well-being is so big. There’s so many different facets of it that we’ve kind of gone through and said, you know, maybe this topic or maybe this topic for today. And so we’ve talked about topics that we’ll go over during this, you know, kind of sideline of being well-being, having well, our, you know, mental and physical and well-being.

So when I consider well-being, and when you think of, if we even just talk about the health aspect of it, we’ve all heard health is wealth, right? And as I consider over the years kind of health issues that I’ve had, and how it impacts my overall feeling of well-being. Once you have health kind of taken away, in a sense, granted, I’m healthy, I’m strong. But there were times that I wasn’t. And it was kind of scary for me because I thought, okay, if this means I don’t have health in this way, how is that going to impact my overall day-to-day living?

Right? But that’s not what it’s all about. So when you’re in a state of where your health is compromised, you start to realize even more your well-being is. How does that all play into how you feel emotionally, spiritually, and physically? All those things play into your overall health when you feel like your health is compromised, right?

Yes. And I remember when you went through some of those health issues. Up times. Crazy times. And I remember some of the times that we went and worked out during times that I was emotionally stressed.

And you and I would go and work out at the gym and think, you know, be able to talk through it as friends. And I remember even being in the hospital with you when you were, you know, going through some of your health issues and, yeah, helping you through those. So we help each other along the way, which is, I love that part. Friendships are so valuable. But each one of us have had health issues.

Where you have to kind of readjust. And I had to do that during that time. Okay, so I’m not going to the gym every day. And yeah, I’m a creature of habit. So not going to the gym every day was like, okay, that’s not something I can do right now.

There are different aspects of my well-being that I have to consider so that I can get healthy again. And I found that during that time was that, okay, I’m going to focus on a different aspect of my well-being while I’m here because physically I can’t go and lift, you know, something. I can’t even clean my house. Yeah. So when you went from that, your physical, what were you focusing on then?

What did you focus on? If I’m being honest, There was the spiritual well-being really kicked in. And I recognized that, you know, life is fleeting. And I recognized, too, that God was in the details of my life at that time in such a profound way. I couldn’t deny it.

I could not deny the power of prayer. I couldn’t deny that there was a purpose to the struggle. I couldn’t deny that I had family and friends in my corner in a way that was very intimate and very beautiful. And so that fed into my overall well-being at that time, even though I couldn’t go and lift weights or I couldn’t get on a treadmill. Does that make sense?

For that. Do you find that? I mean, you’ve been through some very difficult things and you had to dig deep, right? Really deep. Yeah, I did.

And so what did you, what did you find in your personal experience? What was it? Because it was a kicker. It was a kicker. It was.

So what did you find helped feed into your well-being? It took me getting to my lowest low, I think, realizing that I couldn’t do it all by myself. I thought I could, I thought I could be strong and just push through it all. And one day I just realized I couldn’t, I needed help. I needed like, I needed to dig deep and find a way through prayer, through just like talking to friends, anything I could to help me get that momentum going again so that I could get up in the morning.

Because there were days I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t care. But then I, like, I have to go to work. I have to be there for everybody else. People are relying on me, you know.

KV, I’m going to interject, and I’m going to tell you, I want you, if you’re willing, because we watched you. I watched you and you lost several family members. Yes. And you had a marriage fall apart Right During this very Within like three months of each other I had my father passed away My mother passed away with a brain tumor. During the time my mom was in the hospital, my husband left me.

And then two months later, I had my brother pass away. So I was definitely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with grief. Lost. Didn’t know where to go.

I don’t know. Digging from the, I had no one. I mean, I had my kids. Thank goodness I had my kids. They were there to rally around me, but at night they would go home.

I was by myself. All alone. You felt alone. Felt alone. You know, it was, it was very hard.

Devastating. Wow. So what kept you going? I think my kids, my work for work, my friends. And I think I had to prove to myself I can do this.

I’m strong. I can do hard things. I can do it. I’ve been through struggles before. Like I lost my son at three years old.

I’m like, if I can get through that, I can get through anything. So I just had to, you know, put my mind to it that I was going to get up in the morning. I was going to think one good thing about myself every morning to push myself, not think negative, think I can do this. I’m going to make it, you know, go to work, had everybody rally around me at work. And I think that’s what got me through day to day, just telling myself I can do hard things.

I can get this done. I can, I can live through this. I can make it. You’ve absolutely proved it. I have been so impressed with how you’ve carried yourself.

So when you consider okay so I had to tell myself one good thing was it at first hard to believe yes was it because I feel like sometimes you get knocked down and you don’t feel good enough and I kept thinking why do I feel that way I have so much still to live for I still have a good job. I have my kids. I have everything. But there’s one section that just made me feel like I wasn’t enough. And I had to get to where I knew I was enough.

And that was through just rebuilding myself, like getting my self-confidence each day, telling myself, you know, you’re going to think good thoughts about yourself. You’re not going to say negative things because you’d say, oh, I don’t think I can make it. I don’t know if I can make it financially. I don’t know if I can. It’s a lot of burden, you know?

And before you had your parents that you could go to for advice, I didn’t have that any longer. So it was like trying to find anything to grab onto, just had to just realize that there was help out there through other friends and, and women communities that would talk to me and help me through it. That emotional well-being is real, isn’t it? It is real. It’s really real when we focus on how do we, you know, hard things come.

They will come in our life. So what do we do with them? Nobody’s exempt from having a hard, going through hard times. And I think it’s neat that you were able to work through that and found the strength to work through that. I think that’s really neat.

Building that confidence in yourself when you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and to work your way through that is, there’s power. I’ve always told my kids, our minds are so powerful and what you tell it, it will believe. And so as you think of that and as you build on that, and I look at you and how you’re standing today. You are an absolute inspiration to me, V. Honestly, you truly are.

I cannot even, I am mad with that for you, but I absolutely am inspired by you and how you’ve been able, that is tough stuff to go through and you’ve carried it so gracefully. And that’s a beautiful example to other people who go through hard things, whether it’s a marriage that has failed or you lose somebody that you love or, you know, business fails or whatever it can be. There’s so many things that can make you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom. And how we build on that to build our well-being, that foundation, is critical to our overall health. And so as we discuss kind of the pillars of well-being, And it’s kind of exciting to me because it’s not just in a box.

It’s not. Right. Everybody is so different. You know, we all have so many strengths. Right.

And we all have different weaknesses. So if we just focus on how can we be better in each individual way, you know, in all of these pillars, that’s how you become, you know, that well-being person is to focus on different ones. But make those small steps every day, whether it’s, you know, whether it’s if you want to, if your goal is to run the marathon, start walking every day and start walking more each day to get to that point. And it can be slow and steady, but at least you’re progressing. And that’s how I think I view life.

I had a brother-in-law say something not too long ago that life is about progressing. And I thought, that is just so true. But just with my previous guest with Liz Hartke, she had mentioned that when we talk about goals, it’s like it goes this way. It’s like, okay, you reach this point and then you go for the next one and then the next one. And it’s like a checklist.

And she was talking about the direction of taking your goals or the direction of your life in the sense of, okay, we’re making constant progress instead of this checklist because it can be disappointing, right? But if you have this direction, you see where you’re going and you can kind of give yourself that space of life happens. And so when you’re looking at, you know, different aspects of well-being and how you implement that in everyday living. So, for example, how do you start your day so that you feel stronger or you feel like you’ve got your feet under you when you’ve got them kicked out from under you? Right.

Well, and to go along with that, too, I was thinking, you know, if we train our subconscious, you know, if we really make a direction of going, I know I want this in my life. And you tell your subconscious that there it’s always working towards that. Even if your conscious isn’t thinking right then about it, but your subconscious is working towards something. And haven’t we heard, maybe you’ve heard where they say that your mind believes anything that you tell it. Yes.

So and that’s why they’ll say, OK, if your goal is to, like you said, run a marathon or your goal is to gain confidence, you put in your mind like you’re already there. Yeah. Have you heard that? Yeah. And I love that concept of we’re already there.

OK, so I’m training for that or I’m telling myself that I am worthy. Your mind is going to believe it. And over time, it becomes your way of living. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Knowing that what makes you feel healthy starts with paying attention. You pay attention to what it is that you feel. Because again, we’re all so different. That how do I feel?

Even I’ve talked to people of saying, you know, in podcasts, how should I dress? Dress the way you feel comfortable. You know, okay, you know, put your makeup on however you feel comfortable. Whatever makes you feel happy and your life direction, that’s the way we should go. One of the things that I was thinking about was, you know, our financial direction.

What makes us feel, you know, feel more strong or feel as a woman, you know, how do we want our financial? Do we want to be the main person of our family or the main person of our you know over our children or what is it that brings us that stability feeling When I went through a divorce I was worried more about finances So I thought, you know, how can I work through that? It’s kind of a devastating feeling of going, okay, I’ve stayed mostly home with my kids, which I wanted to do, and I’m grateful for it. But I had to all of a sudden go, oh man, I had to make more money. You had to do it yourself.

Yeah. I had to figure out, okay, how do I do this? And I have a little ladder that I use in my own life. It has two ladders beside it. One, it has great big steps, and the visual is the guy still standing there trying to make, you know, a jump.

Or there’s another ladder beside it, and it has a man standing, and he’s walking up. So if we bank it. Because it’s achievable. Uh-huh. So if we make those small steps every day and they’re constant, then we are able to get places every day.

And if we set a goal every day, where do you want to be? You know, whether it’s pray every morning, whether it’s, you know, set yourself a goal. I actually set myself a goal was I wanted to have manufactured homes. And eventually I got into fourplexes and duplexes and things like that. But I started one rental at a time.

If I could just save enough money for that down payment, then save enough money for that down payment. And so that’s how I started with my financial availability. Then I was able to get to a point that I feel healthy in that aspect. And I want to achieve different things, no doubt. But I still feel I’m in a spot and I’ve had to work and work and work gradually to get there.

And I, you know, now I’m lucky to have my kids working with me and so I have those relationships and so grateful for that. But it brings me to a spot of well-being in different ways and I also have other aspects I need to work on, you know. They all do. Yeah. But it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something.

You know, it makes you feel that accomplishment that you feel like, oh, I’m getting to where I want to be in life. Yeah. And you could have, I mean, in your situation, you know, like you said, you’re divorced and found yourself needing to be able to provide. Right. And not having to rely on someone else’s income to provide.

So you’re a young mom you know you’re a young mom providing um how did you get to that point though of being able to go I can do this because there are women out there who’s they’re they’re afraid of that next step because they don’t know that they can do that and they’re stuck right and how do we help them feel that, you know, or even have that confidence in their ability to transcend what they have been living in for who knows how long? To get in that belief system of saying, I can do this. I’m strong enough person or I’m capable. How do you get out of that mindset? That’s definitely a mental place, right?

It’s very mental. So I think, I mean, even this community, and this is why you’re building this community, and we’re helping you build a community for women that we can bounce that stuff off of each other. Hey, I’m struggling in this area. Does anybody have any advice? I love that.

I’m so excited for it. Because where do you go? You know, you go with your friends. You go with your family. I actually love that alley, but I also had to build in a financial direction that I didn’t have a community to work with.

Right. So I had to create one. I had to learn, you know, things from different people. I would question people. I would ask them all the time.

What do you think of this? What do you think about this alley? I didn’t naturally just go, oh, I want to jump from accounting to real estate. I learned. I met people along the way that helped me go, I like that.

I like that aspect of it. I like the affordable housing realm. I also like construction. Now we build homes. Now we build in that direction.

But before I had to start out smaller and just buy a rental, next rental. So that would take us to, when you mentioned that though, the relationship aspect of well-being, right? Because you have to surround yourself by people with kind of that same mindset or that frame of mind of, okay, whether that was business the way you saw business was, okay, manufactured housing. And then I’m going to move it to this. But who you surround yourself with helps in the building of such things, right?

I started going to meetings. I learned of real estate companies that were having meetings. So I’d go and listen. And I would go to talk to people. And you learn what makes you happy, what clicks with you.

Because we’re all so different. I’ve, you know, before I was talking to my kids about it. So they’ve learned all the way along, you know, and they’ve figured out kind of different aspects that they like. I have a general contractor as one of my kids, you know, from mortgage broker to real estate agent to owning a dealership and, you know, different alleys. So there’s something that somebody might like in real estate alley or in a different alley.

But it’s learning the people that you can talk to and learn from them. And create kind of that support within that. Going back to what you were saying about if somebody feels stuck, Jed would always say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Don’t we all like that? Yeah.

And, I mean, he would say that to me over the years when I wanted to share. I know. Just make it happen. I just want that result right there. Yeah.

Yeah, and so through the years, I started to realize more and more, I mean, even though, you know, here he is, you know, giving me this advice, because he can’t change anything for me. Nobody can. And I think that so often we, women or anyone, any one of us, feel stuck. But if we want it to change, it starts with us. Yeah.

Right? So your life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change. Yes. How do you think your friendships or your relationship with family or in marriage or partnership, how does that play into your overall well-being?

Oh, huge. Huge. To me, it’s huge, isn’t it? And if you’re in a relationship, I don’t care who it is. If it is draining or if it is taxing or heavy, and you have to determine what makes the relationship with a friend or a spouse or a partner feel that way, don’t we?

And we’ve all had to figure those things out in our relationship. Oh, yeah. Especially being single. Yeah. A lot of that.

Like you’re out. I’m sure. No, definitely. I have been so grateful that my family is still close, you know, still close to me and working through it, you know. But, yeah, you have to figure out, wow, who drains me or feeds me.

Or who actually lifts you about and makes you feel. And if they do, you want to be around them all the time, don’t you? Yeah, you need to be around them all. Yeah, those people are, you know, I actually have a thing in my life that I say, you know, are they in my dime? Or are they in my nickel?

So my nickel is not as valuable, but my dime is valuable. And so the people that I put in my dime are my people. I love them. And I’ll make sure that they are well taken care of in life And I call them or text them often and make sure that everybody doing well You know your family your closest friends you know are in your dime And then your nickel you put everybody else there You know, because those people are the, your dime are the people that care about you. And they’re going to be there when you need it.

And you spend your time towards them. Yeah, and they will be there when you need them. You know who you can count on, who’s in your corner, right? But you also realize when you’re on the receiving end and on the giving end of those relationships. And that, I think, is important to recognize, too.

What are we bringing to the table in our relationship? Not only what is anybody else giving to me. Right. Yeah. It goes both ways.

Yeah. And how you feel overall in those relationships, you know. As I look at my relationship with my kids or with my husband and stuff, every relationship takes work. If it is a relationship that is valuable to you, you will put in the work. Yeah.

Make them know they’re special to you. And they need to know that. The small, consistent actions often have a greater impact than dramatic changes. Isn’t that right? And progress matters more than perfection.

Yeah. I know that simple progress every day of what is it today that you can make different. How do you think that you create the balance? And I guess, and like we said, it’s different for every woman, what they value in their well-being. And at that point in your life, what was valuable to you was being able to provide, right?

Right. So that was valuable at that. And I think those times and seasons where it changes and you have to readjust and you have to look at life with the lens of, okay, this is the season we’re in right now. And this is what I can focus on. Just like when I was dealing with some health issues, I knew it wasn’t that I could be in the gym trying to get stronger.

It was, or that even at that time being in the gym was, there was a social outlet. And so there was something about that that fed into my well-being. And so it’s that time and season. But we’re always learning. And I think that as we’re progressing and whatever your attention is at this season of life, feed into it.

Whatever that looks like. As I look at my life even like right now, okay, so what am I feeding into? And what does health look like to me today rather than, you know, four years ago. And so I think it changes, it shifts, right, at different phases of life as you go through different challenges or build in different aspects of life. So I think that’s what makes it exciting.

So because you went through a lot of that four years ago and where you are today, what do you think has changed? I mean, what do you think, how have you grown? My relationships have shifted. There was friendships, there was developing hobbies and interests, there was travel, you know, so there were different things. But I hit a point where my relationships became such an important part of my life with my children, with my husband, even my spiritual and my relationship with God, those kind of things became paramount.

Because to me, my belief is that’s all I have. And that’s all I’m taking with me. I mean, okay, so yeah, I could, what, create wealth in one way or another, maybe, if that’s what I wanted. But it just came down to I wanted to be secure in my relationship. And so that was my focus on my well-being.

Personal well-being was my relationship with my husband, children, and God became everything to me. And it was a beautiful thing because it happened in a very organic way. It wasn’t like it was forced. It wasn’t like it just, you know, and I feel like I’ve always been present. And, but there were things that had to be adjusted.

And that was okay. And I think sometimes that can be hard when you look at something and go, okay, this isn’t working. But this is where I’ve been for this long. Comfortable. It’s just comfortable.

Yeah. And so making that shift was an important one for me at that time. And so now I feel I’m happy in what the last few years have been. And I feel like, I know I am so blessed. I truly know that and have great opportunities and things.

And yeah, we’ve had a heartache. We’ve had challenges. We all do. But I’m so inspired by other people and you and you. We all have challenges.

But our overall well-being is what sets us apart, I believe. That sets us apart when we’re going through those challenging times. Yeah, we can lay down and cry and kick our feet and be mad. And that is okay. Do that.

Feel all the emotion. Let it out. Yeah. And let it out. Yeah.

I really believe you have to face it. You do have to face it. Yeah. And that’s okay. Yep.

And I think that that helps play into being, okay, let’s be a realist here. This hurts. This, I don’t like this. But if we can build on different aspects of our well-being so that it feeds us, that we continue to progress, I think that’s where change happens, where you start to believe and understand what you’re capable of because you created a foundation, excuse me, a foundation for yourself and well-being. Well-being isn’t about perfection.

It’s about paying attention. Is choosing one day at a time to care for your body, renew your mind, nurture meaningful relationships, steward your resources, and feed your spirit. I love that. Yeah. And thriving doesn’t happen all at once.

It happens one intentional choice at a time. So we have to be intentional. Yep. Yeah. And so often we’re just in motion, you know, in a viable mode.

Yeah. Be very consistent. Yeah. Like you said, like your ladder, one day at a time. Yeah.

Strive for those goals. And you’ll get somewhere. You’ll get somewhere. And then you’ll feel that success in your own life of where you want to be. And kick the limiting beliefs out so that you can, you know, we’re so capable.

That’s the beautiful thing. If people truly understood how capable they are and what they have to offer, it’s a beautiful thing. We’re so capable of, I believe, so much more than we even know or project. Yeah, like we’ve said, you go through hard times, but what do you do with those hard times? You get better every day.

I think it’s a great different aspects of well-being, right? Okay. Well, then, thank you for being with us today on Yes Women’s Network podcast. And hopefully you’ve gained some insight on well-being. And if you will subscribe and join us again next time, we would love to have you.

Thank you. Every honest conversation moves a woman forward. This is what Yes Women’s Network was built for. Faith, relationships, well-being and finance. And one community that holds you accountable and wants you to win in every aspect of life.

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