Turning Pain into Purpose with Brandy Vega

YES EP 7 - Brandy Vega Brandy Vega: [00:00:00] When I’m down in the greatest depths of despair, he’s always there. And so as I [00:00:05] begged for a miracle, again, I heard a voice say, “Brandy, I’ll give you a second chance. [00:00:10] There will not be a third. What will you do?” And I was [00:00:15] like, “God, if you save my baby, I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” I said, “Anything.” [00:00:20] Wow. And literally within an hour, she woke up. Narrator: Most [00:00:25] women aren’t struggling because they lack drive.

They’re struggling because they’re stuck or [00:00:30] building alone. The Yes Women’s Network Podcast changes that. Hosted by [00:00:35] entrepreneur, coach, and community builder, Michele Morley, this is the space where women [00:00:40] find clarity, connection, and the courage to grow across faith, [00:00:45] relationships, wellbeing, and finance. Welcome to the show. Michele Morley: Welcome to [00:00:50] Yes Women’s Network podcast.

I am Michele Morley as, uh, your host, and I’ve got [00:00:55] Brandy Vega here with me today. Thank you so much for being with me. Brandy Vega: Any time [00:01:00] I, I get to spend with you is time well spent. Michele Morley: Oh, that’s the sweetest. It’s true.

Thanks. You’re so Brandy Vega: [00:01:05] good. It’s true. She’s amazing. Michele Morley: Oh, you too.

Thank you. I’m gonna do a little [00:01:10] introduction. So Brandy Vega is a wife, mother, Christian US Army veteran, [00:01:15] award-winning media executive, speaker and philanth- [00:01:20] philanthropist, with o- over three decades in media, storytelling, and [00:01:25] community leadership. She is the founder of Promise to Live, a global suicide [00:01:30] prevention and mental health movement dedicated to saving lives [00:01:35] through connection, conversation, and trusted resources. Brandy believes [00:01:40] her greatest gift is bringing people together, turning pain into purpose, [00:01:45] and using her voice, faith, and experience to [00:01:50] create change that saves lives.

Brandy Vega: Wow. I mean, when you hear it [00:01:55] read like that, you’re just like, “Is that really me?” Thank you. I guess it is me. Michele Morley: [00:02:00] That’s so amazing.

You have- Thanks I mean, all the things that you’re working on, and you [00:02:05] have … It seems you have so much clarity and purpose. How did you get to [00:02:10] that point? Brandy Vega: It’s interesting you say that. I actually had this conversation with one of my friends [00:02:15] this morning.

Her name’s Michele as well. And I think I just got to a point, it was about[00:02:20] I’ve had a lot of points. He has to work hard on me. I Narrator: believe that. Brandy Vega: But it was about three years [00:02:25] ago, and it was in the beginning stages of Promise to Live, and we had to make a hard pivot, and it [00:02:30] was really challenging, ‘cause I could hear people going behind my back and saying different things, and I felt [00:02:35] all this pressure.

And I remember having a breakdown, and I was walking around my [00:02:40] studio, and I just sat down in the grass and I started to cry, and I started to pray. [00:02:45] And it came to me that, “Brandy, don’t worry about what [00:02:50] people think about you. Worry about what I know. And I know you, I know who [00:02:55] you are, I know what you’re doing, I know why you’re doing it. Don’t worry about others.”

[00:03:00] And that was just something that hit me so hard, because we spend our life [00:03:05] just worried about what other people think. Michele Morley: Sure. Brandy Vega: And at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. [00:03:10] It really doesn’t, and not everybody likes chocolate, and you can be the brightest ray of [00:03:15] sunshine and some people prefer the clouds. So you’re never gonna have everybody love you.

Michele Morley: Mm-hmm. Brandy Vega: But if you know where [00:03:20] your source of love comes from, it changes everything. Michele Morley: So I love [00:03:25] that, the source of love. So but how did you reach a point in understanding that and [00:03:30] knowing who you are so that you could act on that? Brandy Vega: [00:03:35] Another one of those moments.

I went through one of the hardest times of my life 13 years [00:03:40] ago. Michele Morley: Wow. Brandy Vega: I had gotten into a relationship. Six months in, I had [00:03:45] gotten remarried, found out he was having an affair, and I was devastated because I saw my [00:03:50] future slipping away. Michele Morley: Sure.

Brandy Vega: I saw the idea of children and business, and I just felt [00:03:55] like such a failure, and I was having another breakdown. These, these messages seem to come to me when [00:04:00] I’m bawling in my car or out in the grass in the fetal position like, “Oh.” But I, [00:04:05] but I was sitting in my car and just, you know, the, “Why me? Why me, God? Why me, Heavenly Father?

[00:04:10] This isn’t fair. I’ve done everything. I’ve, you know, done this and this and this.” And again, [00:04:15] as I sat there, I heard a voice, and it was just this overall [00:04:20] impression saying, “Do you trust me?” And at that moment, Michele, I was like, [00:04:25] “Yeah, of course I trust you.

Yes. I think so. Maybe. Why? [00:04:30] Why did, why did you ask me that?

Maybe…” You know. And so I went back, and I spent the next three [00:04:35] days just studying that and thinking, “Why was that in my time of need, [00:04:40] in my time of pain? Why did I hear that, ‘Do you trust me?’” [00:04:45] And I started digging, and finally I came across the talk by, um- [00:04:50] a, a general authority named Richard G.

Scott, and it was from 1995, and it was [00:04:55] called Trusting in the Lord. And I listened to that talk, and I felt like it was- Yeah … [00:05:00] written just for me. Michele Morley: Mm-hmm. Brandy Vega: And I realized one thing at that time, [00:05:05] that I had never trusted in the Lord, ever.

I thought I did, [00:05:10] but I didn’t. Because to trust means you submit. Michele Morley: Mm-hmm. Brandy Vega: [00:05:15] And submission is bad in my book. It always had been.

You know, I relate it to the word, [00:05:20] like, if you get submitted in sports, you get pinned, and you lose. If you submit, [00:05:25] you give up. And so in my mind, I had never submitted my will. Until that [00:05:30] moment, I just said, “Okay, fine. What I think I want, what I think I know, the things I’m [00:05:35] working for, they’re not working for me.

So what can I do?” [00:05:40] Trust in the Lord. Turn it over. And I made a decision at that moment 13 years [00:05:45] ago that no matter what, I don’t have to understand it. I just have to move forward in faith.

And I [00:05:50] have a great acronym that I ac- uh, ‘cause I’m military. Yeah. Served in the Army. I love acronyms. [00:05:55] Sorry.

I do. Um, ASKEM, A-S-K-E-M. [00:06:00] Ask, seek, knock, expect miracles. [00:06:05] And so at that point in my life, I was like, “Okay, when it doesn’t make sense, I’m gonna just [00:06:10] submit, and I’ll just ask.” You can’t ask God to guide your footsteps if you’re not willing to move your feet.

[00:06:15] So I kept moving forward in faith, but I ended up doing things I would have never done. [00:06:20] I mean, this was the time I started my nonprofit. I built my video production [00:06:25] studio. I got my foster care license, and I adopted a son. I was a single mom [00:06:30] with, you know, two, a 10-year-old and a 15-year-old, and I adopted a little [00:06:35] boy who was born addicted through foster care.

I was a surrogate the next year. You know, [00:06:40] I’m single at this time. I’m there, I’m pregnant. I have a baby. I have a business.

I have a [00:06:45] nonprofit. Everybody goes, “You’re insane. Why are you doing this?” I’m like, “I [00:06:50] submitted, and turns out this is what it looks like.” It doesn’t make any sense.

But [00:06:55] that entire process from the time I chose to give it over to God, to really, really [00:07:00] try to let go, which I’m not always perfect at, ‘cause we still I’m a controller. I’m a [00:07:05] Type A. But I’ve, I’ve learned to really submit and say, “You know me. [00:07:10] You see all 10,000 pieces of my puzzle.” I only see what’s in front of me, and I try to force [00:07:15] the pieces to fit sometimes, and sometimes they don’t look anything like we think they should.

[00:07:20] And my life has never been better. I’ve, i-i-it’s been ridiculous and [00:07:25] insane. But it’s perfect for me. And it doesn’t mean there hasn’t been hard things, as you know. [00:07:30] You know, I almost lost my daughter.

I’ve had hard stuff, but it’s, it’s [00:07:35] worked out, and I just have that foundation that I know whose I am. [00:07:40] Michele Morley: So in that, you have to be proactive. You can’t just [00:07:45] wait for things to happen. You had to be proactive. Even though you’re [00:07:50] submitting, you’re in action.

Yep. And so that, but that takes a lot even [00:07:55] to do that without seeing the full picture, ‘cause a lot of us wanna see the full picture. [00:08:00] Right. Right? Mm-hmm.

We wanna understand what that next step is gonna take us to [00:08:05] before we take the step. So- Sure … I mean, as you have worked [00:08:10] through all of that and have that trust and that faith in the process, you’ve been [00:08:15] able to accomplish a lot of amazing things. Brandy Vega: Well, one of my favorite [00:08:20] spiritual leaders, um, David A. Bednar, he says, he prays…

When, when I listen to his [00:08:25] prayers and his talks, he talks about eyes to see, a heart to feel, feet to [00:08:30] move, hands to do, all of this stuff. I think we can’t sit there and say, “Oh, please guide me, [00:08:35] lead me,” and not do anything. Michele Morley: Mm-hmm. Brandy Vega: We do have to move forward. We do [00:08:40] have to give it our best effort, and sometimes we move in the right direction and sometimes we don’t, but [00:08:45] whichever way we’re going, it’s okay, you know?

Michele Morley: So how do you accept that, though, [00:08:50] when y- when we… ‘Cause we do make mistakes, right? And sometimes we- Brandy Vega: Well, I don’t know. Speak for [00:08:55] yourself. No, I’m just kidding.

Yeah. I make plenty of ‘em. I do. Michele Morley: Well, then I gotta learn [00:09:00] from you, then. Brandy Vega: Yeah, yeah.

Michele Morley: No, but that’s, that’s an interesting thing because a lot of [00:09:05] people might hit that moment- Yeah … Where they’re like, “Okay, this is holding me back [00:09:10] because I can’t see it.” Mm-hmm. So, but you continue to move forward in it. [00:09:15] Brandy Vega: Yeah, and it’s a lot easier said than done.

I mean, we’ve had some [00:09:20] really, really hard times. I… The last several weeks [00:09:25] have been some of the hardest I’ve had in years. We lost one of our volunteers at Promise to [00:09:30] Live to suicide, um, and that’s hard because that’s what we’re fighting for. Michele Morley: [00:09:35] Sure.

Brandy Vega: My child, who’s done so well with her mental health journey, she said, “Mom, [00:09:40] I’ve spent the last five years working on my mental health, and I’ve destroyed it the last six months [00:09:45] trying to be an entrepreneur and run a business,” and we’ve just had a lot of [00:09:50] hardships. Knowing the things that we talk about, it’s easy in [00:09:55] principle. It’s harder in practical. But when you sit there and look at it, it’s [00:10:00] like, yeah, two weeks ago, three weeks ago, I [00:10:05] was feeling very defeated, very defeated. I didn’t really wanna see [00:10:10] anyone.

I didn’t really wanna talk to anyone. I didn’t really wanna do stuff, but I can’t [00:10:15] up and run away, you know? And you kinda look at that, and my [00:10:20] child who’s in crisis just said, “I’m either leaving, I’m up and I’m leaving, [00:10:25] or I’m leaving for good.” And I’m like, “Okay. One, we don’t want you [00:10:30] to leave for good, so leave.

We’ll pick up any pieces that are left behind, ‘cause we’d rather [00:10:35] have pieces than bury you.” But that doesn’t mean that in my part it’s [00:10:40] easy, ‘cause I felt the same. I felt like I wanna crawl up and not wake up for [00:10:45] a couple of weeks. I don’t wanna deal with this drama That’s not a luxury [00:10:50] we have, is it? Michele Morley: Mm-hmm.

No. Brandy Vega: You know? So I just had to get up and, and [00:10:55] fight through it, and let people know. This, this is one of the things I’ve [00:11:00] learned in my old age. Pushing half a century.

Yeah. You’re like, “Oh, gosh, I’m [00:11:05] almost 50. Holy smokes.” But what I’ve learned is it’s okay [00:11:10] to not be okay- Yeah … And to share that, and to let people lighten your [00:11:15] burden and, and lift your spirits.

And so I’ve been pretty vocal the [00:11:20] past few weeks that I’m having a really hard time. Michele Morley: Yeah. Brandy Vega: And it’s been so [00:11:25] nice… I actually read this article. I love studies.

I love all these things. [00:11:30] But I read this article that talked about the power of prayer. Mm-hmm. And they said they did it, it [00:11:35] was a collegiate study, and they had all these people in one space, and then they had all these [00:11:40] people in another space, and they were praying for each other at different [00:11:45] times, at different things, and they were monitoring them. And it showed, the study showed that when [00:11:50] people prayed for the other person, something in them lit up.

[00:11:55] It was measurable. Mm. It was physically and scientifically measurable. Yeah. [00:12:00] Saying that prayer isn’t just something, “Oh, I’m giving you thoughts and prayers.”

No. Like, you’re [00:12:05] actually giving somebody love and hope and peace and some kind of [00:12:10] response. And so as I’m going through the hard things, I ask for prayers. Mm-hmm. I’m like, “I [00:12:15] really need your prayers.”

And I get calls from people who I think are just [00:12:20] coworkers or, you know, people I kind of know, and I’m like, “Ugh, [00:12:25] what do they want?” And I pick it up, and it’s like, “Hey, Brandi. I know you’re going through some hard things. How [00:12:30] are you doing? I just want you to know I’m here,” and that for me means everything.

Michele Morley: Yeah. Brandy Vega: [00:12:35] So that’s kinda how we’ve gotten through it. It, it’s, it’s not easy, but then you start feeling better [00:12:40] and better and better, and it’s like, “Hey.” My friend Brenda Engle wrote a [00:12:45] book called Why Not Me instead of Why Me. Michele Morley: Yeah.

Brandy Vega: [00:12:50] And I think that when you look at that, it’s the analogy of the Chinese farmer. Have you [00:12:55] heard that? Mm-mm. So quick story. Um, Chinese farmer and his [00:13:00] son, they have horses.

They do farming. Their only horse runs away, and the [00:13:05] townspeople are like, “Oh my gosh. That’s terrible. Your horse ran away.” And the, the wise father goes, [00:13:10] “Well, maybe, maybe not.”

A week later, the horse comes back. He brings a whole herd of horses. So [00:13:15] they’re like, “Wow, this is amazing. You’re so blessed.” Maybe, maybe not.

The son starts breaking the horses, trying [00:13:20] to train them. One bucks him off, breaks his leg. “Oh, my gosh, this is the worst ever.” [00:13:25] Right? And this is how we are.

Yeah. We look at something, and we automatically label it good or bad. Narrator: Right. Brandy Vega: [00:13:30] Best day, worst day. Mm.

Something in between. So they’re like, “Oh, my gosh. This is terrible.” And then in [00:13:35] the story, the following week, the military comes by, and they’re drafting everybody. Well, they can’t [00:13:40] take the son ‘cause he’s got a broken leg.

Oh, my gosh, what a blessing. That’s life Narrator: [00:13:45] Yeah Brandy Vega: The biggest blessings for me currently came through the hardest times when I [00:13:50] got knocked down and stomped on, that I thought was the worst day of my life, [00:13:55] brought me to some of the best days of my life. Mm-hmm. So it’s hard to label, and I just look at it now and say, [00:14:00] “Okay, Heavenly Father, Narrator: what do I need to learn? How can this [00:14:05] make me a better person?”

Michele Morley: It’s that attitude of gratitude- Mm-hmm … That helps in [00:14:10] the process of that. Yep Right? Brandy Vega: Yeah. Michele Morley: Yeah.

Brandy Vega: And thinking about, I was [00:14:15] sitting there going, “Well, this is happening, and I’m in the middle of that and that,” and I was sitting there, and then I read a thing about [00:14:20] gratitude. And I thought- Mm … I haven’t been very grateful. And I started just thinking about [00:14:25] and listing everything I have to be grateful for, and I woke up in a way better mood. [00:14:30] It’s funny how where our focus goes, our energy flows or vice [00:14:35] versa.

Michele Morley: Right. Brandy Vega: And when you sit there and think, “This stinks, and that’s dumb, and these people are terrible, and my [00:14:40] life, oh,” that’s what you see. It’s what you focus on. But when you sit there and go, “You know [00:14:45] what? How blessed am I?

I live in a free country. I’ve got a great family who loves [00:14:50] me. I’ve got my health. I’ve got a cool necklace.” I mean, whatever it is.

Mm-hmm. You’re just [00:14:55] like, “Life is pretty good.” Michele Morley: Yes. Brandy Vega: Food on the table. We’re blessed.

Michele Morley: We’re blessed, [00:15:00] for sure. So you clearly have a message- … [00:15:05] that you focus on turning pain into purpose. Brandy Vega: Yeah. Michele Morley: So tell us the power of [00:15:10] connection and faith and choosing to stay after those difficult [00:15:15] challenges.

Brandy Vega: It’s so funny how our life has, um… [00:15:20] takes a path we would’ve never expected, right? I would never have [00:15:25] expected in a million years I’d be sitting here talking about the things I talk about. But for me, [00:15:30] it was about five years ago, five and a half years ago, when I was at the hospital begging God [00:15:35] for a miracle after my daughter had attempted to take her life. We didn’t know for two days [00:15:40] if she was gonna live or not, and I remember just feeling so [00:15:45] sad and scared and defeated and begging for a miracle.

And I [00:15:50] had volunteered at the hospital for seven years doing spiritual care and Nobody Dies Alone. I [00:15:55] had sat with a lot of people going through hard things. I’d been with people when they passed, and [00:16:00] it’s a lot different when you look at your child. And at that moment, um, [00:16:05] I was just begging for a miracle. And I went and I did the most vulnerable video of my life.

I [00:16:10] used to be a broadcaster. Mm-hmm. I worked in TV and all of that. But I did a video in [00:16:15] my car at Primary Children’s Hospital, and I just said, “I need help. I don’t know what to do.”

[00:16:20] And my video got 12,000 views overnight, thou- [00:16:25] hundreds of messages from all kinds of people. And, and the media asked me to share, and [00:16:30] I didn’t wanna share. Um, and I was sitting at the hospital. It’s the second [00:16:35] day. And again, throughout my life you can see a theme.

When I’m down in the greatest depths of [00:16:40] despair, He’s always there. And so as I begged for a miracle, again, [00:16:45] I heard a voice say, “Brandie, I’ll give you a second chance. There will not be a [00:16:50] third. What will you do?” And I was like, “God, if you save my baby, I’ll do [00:16:55] anything.”

Anything? I said, “Anything.” Hmm. And literally [00:17:00] within an hour she woke up, and she hadn’t been functional for two days. [00:17:05] And I knew that that was a miracle and that He had given me that, um, [00:17:10] because I had made Him a promise.

And when she finally woke up and I asked her if she was [00:17:15] glad to be alive, she said yes. She didn’t really wanna die. This is one thing we [00:17:20] know. Mm-hmm. Most people, they don’t wanna die.

We’re just looking for ways- At this point … To kill the pain. Michele Morley: Right. Brandy Vega: And we don’t know how to kill the [00:17:25] pain without shutting off our life source. And so [00:17:30] I, at that moment, I said, “Well, will you make me a promise that if you find yourself in that dark [00:17:35] place again, you’ll reach out?

Me and your dad, friend, your teacher, anyone.” [00:17:40] And she goes, “Yeah, I promise.” I said, “I know you don’t love yourself, but I know you love me, [00:17:45] and I know you love your little brother, and will you promise for us?” And she did. [00:17:50] And that was the beginning of Promise to Live five years ago in [00:17:55] 2021, and I ended up, um, learning about the power of a [00:18:00] promise.

Mm-hmm. And this is kind of the message where we talk about pain into purpose, and what is [00:18:05] it? When people make a promise, they’re up to 60% more likely to keep [00:18:10] it, ‘cause often we don’t care about ourselves or love ourselves enough, but I care about you. [00:18:15] Mm-hmm. I care about my loved ones.

I respect the person that I made it to. [00:18:20] And so our mission has been we get people to make a promise to reach out for [00:18:25] help, connect them to trusted tools and resources, and we build a community before crisis. [00:18:30] So with my daughter, she made that promise, and then we [00:18:35] started doing it with others, getting them to make the promise, and then knowing where to [00:18:40] go, ‘cause when I was in the hospital, I couldn’t find any of the resources. I looked and looked, and it was all scattered, and [00:18:45] it was just very discouraging. So we created it.

Mm-hmm. And we’ve, we’ve been on [00:18:50] this mission, and I think the one thing, going back to acronyms that I love, [00:18:55] is one called ASK, A-S-K. And [00:19:00] when we ask people to make a promise, you know, we also invite them to [00:19:05] understand this terminology of ASK: acknowledge, support, keep in touch. [00:19:10] Michele Morley: I love that. Brandy Vega: So when we have a conversation, you acknowledge whatever it [00:19:15] is, ‘cause people are afraid to ask questions.

They’re afraid to get nosy. “Well, I don’t wanna push anything. I don’t know if they’re [00:19:20] struggling.” Mm-hmm. “What do I do?

What do I say?” But a lot of us have opportunities every day [00:19:25] within our family, friends, coworkers. So acknowledge would be [00:19:30] address the issue. “Hey, I know you’re struggling with your health. [00:19:35] I know you got divorced.

I know your child moved out.” Whatever it is, [00:19:40] you acknowledge the issue Whatever it is they’re going [00:19:45] through. Just, “I know you’re going through this,” or maybe, “I don’t know. Hey, you seem like you’re not [00:19:50] yourself lately. Is everything okay?”

Mm-hmm. The S is support. [00:19:55] You don’t have to be an expert. You don’t need to know what to do or say. You just simply have to be there.

[00:20:00] It’s the analogy if we’re supposed to talk more than we hear, we’d have two mouths and one ear. [00:20:05] I think right now I have two mouths, but- Um, on this [00:20:10] one, then you support and you say, “Michele, that’s really hard. I’m sorry that you’re going through that.” [00:20:15] That’s it. You don’t have to be a clinician or a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

[00:20:20] You just support what they’re going through. And the K is keep in touch. [00:20:25] “Would you text me later? Can we go to lunch tomorrow? Can we get together next week and go [00:20:30] for a walk?”

Like, whatever it is, you keep in touch. You [00:20:35] touch base with them, and you have something to look forward to. So we encourage people to ask for help [00:20:40] if you’re struggling, or ask others. Have the conversation. And one word that [00:20:45] we teach that changes everything is really.

Really, you say? How [00:20:50] simple. But when you ask somebody, “Hey, how are you?” What are you gonna say? [00:20:55] Michele Morley: I’m good.

Brandy Vega: I’m good. Mm. I’m fine. Michele Morley: Yep. Brandy Vega: Great.

Living the dream. But if [00:21:00] I say to you, “Hey Michele, how are you really doing?” Michele Morley: Yeah. [00:21:05] Brandy Vega: Or, “How are you really?” That gives the [00:21:10] person permission Michele Morley: Permission …

Brandy Vega: to really share what they’re going through, ‘cause typically we don’t think anyone [00:21:15] cares. Michele Morley: Yeah. Brandy Vega: You don’t wanna know what I’m going through. You’re just being polite. You’re just being courteous.

But if [00:21:20] you wanna know what’s going on with people, I challenge you, on the next person [00:21:25] you talk to, instead of saying, “Hey, how’s it going? How are you?” Say, “How are you really [00:21:30] doing?” Even the clerk at the gas station. I’ve done that a few times.

I’m like, “How’s your day?” [00:21:35] “Oh, it’s fine.” I was like, “No, really.” Mm-hmm. They’re like, “Ah, it’s hard.

My mom’s sick.” Or, you know, [00:21:40] whatever it is, and it’s, it, it just, knowing that somebody cares can get you through a [00:21:45] moment. Michele Morley: When you open it up that way, it automatically make somebody feel safe. Brandy Vega: [00:21:50] Yeah. Michele Morley: I really feel like that when you add the really- Narrator: Mm-hmm Michele Morley: you’re gi- like you say, you’re [00:21:55] giving them permission.

And, um, I love to ask. Yeah. [00:22:00] That is such a beautiful thought. I was talking to my daughter, who’s expecting her third, [00:22:05] and she was telling me today that she’s afraid she’s falling into [00:22:10] a depression. And, you know, we usually think of postpartum or whatever, but [00:22:15] she’s in, you know, in, she’s pregnant and expecting in, in March.

But [00:22:20] she had postpartum really bad with her second. Narrator: Yeah. Michele Morley: So I told her, I said, [00:22:25] “Sarah, you have to promise me that if you are not doing well, you let me [00:22:30] know. Can you promise me?” And so when you talk about the promise [00:22:35] and the significance of that, but also our responsibility as [00:22:40] someone who loves the other- Brandy Vega: Right Michele Morley: to ask.

Brandy Vega: Yeah. And, and don’t be [00:22:45] afraid to ask somebody if they’re struggling or even if they’re suicidal. People are afraid, “Well, if I ask, [00:22:50] if I address it, I’m gonna bring it up. They’re gonna, you know, they might be mad at me, or they [00:22:55] might not have ever thought about it.” Studies say that asking somebody if they’re [00:23:00] suicidal doesn’t plant an idea.

Either they are or they aren’t. So it’s okay to say to somebody, “Hey, are you [00:23:05] doing okay?” “No, I’m not okay.” “Have you thought about hurting yourself? Have you thought about suicide?”

[00:23:10] You’re not gonna plant it. You might save their life, and if they say no, you say, “Okay, then I need you to [00:23:15] promise me, though, if you get to that point, will you reach out to me, someone [00:23:20] else, family, 988, the crisis line?” Get them to look you in the eye and make that promise. [00:23:25] It, it makes a huge difference, because it might buy us time. It doesn’t work all the time.

We [00:23:30] know that. Michele Morley: Mm-hmm. Brandy Vega: We still lose people. Michele Morley: Sure. Brandy Vega: But it does shift the conversation away from [00:23:35] awareness to action and accountability.

And when people have [00:23:40] that, it sits different. So talking to your daughter, the other thing that you can [00:23:45] do is you can have that conversation and then say, “Okay, I’m gonna check in on you.” [00:23:50] I’ll just send you a text between 1 and 10, 1 being [00:23:55] terrible, 10 being great. Check in and let me know how you are every day. “Hey, Sarah, how [00:24:00] are you doing today?

Where you at?” Then you know if she comes back, “Mom, I’m a six, I’m a [00:24:05] seven, I’m an eight,” great. “I’m a five,” okay. “I’m a four,” start to [00:24:10] get worried. Three and under, go over there.

Mm-hmm. You know? And, and this is good [00:24:15] for us, too. Like, this should be a check-in that we start with our friends and family. [00:24:20] “1 to 10, where you at today?”

Then we know it’s better than, “I’m fine. How you doing?” “I’m okay. [00:24:25] Let me know if you need something.” “Okay.

We don’t. We don’t, but if you text [00:24:30] me and say, ‘I’m a three,’ I’m gonna be like, ‘Okay, where you at? Let’s go. Don’t be alone.’” Mm.

[00:24:35] “I’m a two.” “Okay, I’m coming over.” “One, I’m calling for help.” [00:24:40] You know? We, we have to be proactive in that, and I think that you’ll never [00:24:45] regret having that conversation.

You regret not having it. Michele Morley: It’s, [00:24:50] it’s pretty powerful to think that… I mean, it may be even a little scary when you think [00:24:55] of the responsibility that you have in that, right? Mm-hmm. Do you feel an immense [00:25:00] responsibility to others because you have started this?

Brandy Vega: [00:25:05] Me personally, yeah, because I get I [00:25:10] get calls, messages, comments all the time, [00:25:15] and most are usually good and some are bad. But it’s like I wake up [00:25:20] every single day with a sense of urgency. I wake up and work [00:25:25] like lives depend on it because I know they do. Mm-hmm. And sometimes it’s a very heavy burden when you’re [00:25:30] doing all you can do and it’s still not enough.

Michele Morley: Mm-hmm. Brandy Vega: You just think, “Well, what [00:25:35] more can I do?” And this is kind of where you have to just, again, submit and say, “I’m doing [00:25:40] everything I can. What more can I do? Oh, I can go on Michele’s podcast and I can share this, [00:25:45] and maybe somebody sees it and they respond.”

Like, we don’t know the ripple of our words or our [00:25:50] actions or what we’re doing, but I just would encourage anyone who sees or hears [00:25:55] to take it seriously. And if you’re struggling too, especially women our age with, [00:26:00] like, perimenopause and menopause and- Yeah isolation and loneliness, and your [00:26:05] kids are leaving and you’re questioning your worth and maybe your relationship stinks, like, [00:26:10] don’t hold that in, ‘cause so many people feel it. Let it out. Get [00:26:15] help. And sometimes the things that we think are in here, they’re not.

They’re really chemical. [00:26:20] Mm-hmm. And some kind of supplement or routine or new treatment can make that [00:26:25] go away, so there’s always hope. Michele Morley: You are full of wisdom, honestly, [00:26:30] and y- your experiences have led you to this point as well, right? And, [00:26:35] um, your marriage, your faith, your experience in military- Brandy Vega: Yeah …

Michele Morley: uh, your [00:26:40] businesses, it brought you full circle to be able to, to be a mentor and [00:26:45] someone that people can look to. Brandy Vega: Yeah. You look at your life and, again, you just [00:26:50] think, “Well, I would’ve not seen this coming,” [00:26:55] but also I can’t imagine anything else. And I think that we go through things. I would’ve never [00:27:00] started Promise to Live or been able to have the success we have if I hadn’t [00:27:05] had all my previous experiences.

Mm. Because one of the things that we do [00:27:10] is we help people make a promise to live, connect them to their tools and resources, and build the [00:27:15] community, but we also use media and social media, and that’s my whole background is I, I [00:27:20] was thinking about it and going through it. I didn’t know where to go when I was in the middle of all this, and I’m [00:27:25] like, “Why don’t I know where to go?” Well, because I can’t remember AFSP, JED, [00:27:30] Trevor, NAMI, you know, all these different acronyms, even though I love acronyms. [00:27:35] Um, but I didn’t know.

And I, through my [00:27:40] education and my professional experience, I know that if we’re gonna reach people, we have to [00:27:45] reach them where they are on the devices and the platforms that they choose and use through the people and [00:27:50] companies that they already know, trust, and follow. So we’ve done something very unique where we partner with [00:27:55] influencers and celebrities and doctors and survivors, and we put together [00:28:00] hope and resources and tools, but we live stream it out through media on all of their [00:28:05] channels to reach their audience that already knows and loves them. We haven’t been trying to build [00:28:10] our own, and that’s how we reached, we reached over seven million people last year.

Wow. In, [00:28:15] on September 10th. And this year we think, uh, we’ll reach around 10 to 15 [00:28:20] million because I understand using media [00:28:25] production producing to get results in mental health that other people haven’t explored. [00:28:30] Michele Morley: That is remarkable. Wow.

I’m, I’m literally [00:28:35] in awe. I truly… And I— You are such an inspiration and [00:28:40] your, um, your input, your insight is so [00:28:45] valuable, so I thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you. And giving us the, [00:28:50] the tools.

I believe that you have given us, us tools that we Brandy Vega: can use. Can I leave with one [00:28:55] more tool since you said that? Michele Morley: Please do. Brandy Vega: I’ve been mentoring, um, high school and college girls for the [00:29:00] last five years with the Women Who Succeed and Cathy Garff, she’s amazing, and [00:29:05] I’ve learned a couple more lessons along the last few years that I think I needed to know, [00:29:10] but also that I think a lot of women, especially men maybe too, but especially women need to know, [00:29:15] is you need to assume everyone loves you. [00:29:20] Assume the best of everyone, that they like you.

Mm-hmm. That it’s worth it. There’s a [00:29:25] lady that I know, I really respect her. She worked at a big company. She ran their nonprofit [00:29:30] advocacy, and I thought she didn’t like me.

You know, [00:29:35] just what we tell ourselves. “Oh yeah, she doesn’t like me. She didn’t return my call. She didn’t respond to my email. [00:29:40] She didn’t smile me- smile at me when I saw her at this place.”

And so I’d been telling [00:29:45] myself for probably two years that, yeah, she doesn’t like me. And I don’t [00:29:50] know why. What you Narrator: believe. Brandy Vega: Right? But, but I was just like, “I don’t know why she doesn’t like me, but she doesn’t,” and [00:29:55] that’s what I believed.

Right. It’s what I told myself. Well then one day out of the [00:30:00] blue she does this really nice post on LinkedIn about me. [00:30:05] “Hey, if you don’t know Brandi Vega, you really need to know her. I admire her so much.

She’s one of…” And I read it [00:30:10] and I just, my jaw was probably on, on my desk. And I thought, “Why [00:30:15] did I tell myself that lie for these years? Why did I think that?” [00:30:20] And so I reached out to her and I said, “You know, I just have to tell you, I thought you didn’t like me.”

[00:30:25] She goes, “Why on earth would you think that?” Michele Morley: Mm-hmm. Brandy Vega: I said, “I don’t know. [00:30:30] I think that’s the adversary. I think it’s our insecurity.

I think it’s whatever.” Well, then I go [00:30:35] to an event, this is probably four or six months later, and this other lady who’s [00:30:40] amazing, she’s over there and, and she comes up over to me and we start talking. [00:30:45] She goes, “Well…” I said, “Well, why didn’t you reach out to me?” She goes, “I didn’t think you liked me.”

[00:30:50] Narrator: Boo. Brandy Vega: I said, “You what?” She goes, “I, I just didn’t think you liked me. I saw, I saw you at that [00:30:55] event and you didn’t even acknowledge me.” I was like, “I didn’t even see you.”

Yeah. And it, it reversed this [00:31:00] whole, you know, way of looking at things that I thought she didn’t like me, and [00:31:05] I carried that. And every time I thought of her, I felt bad. And then this girl thought I didn’t like her. [00:31:10] And so when I was talking to these youth, I said, “Just start acting like everybody you meet loves [00:31:15] you, that they like you.

Why wouldn’t they like you? Assume the best of [00:31:20] everyone and don’t, don’t give in to those negative thoughts. That’s not… Why wouldn’t they?” [00:31:25] So if you’re watching, if you’re thinking, don’t read into things.

Love, [00:31:30] love people. Assume the best. Choose kindness. Give grace. Lead with love.

Don’t think [00:31:35] anyone dislikes you. If you think anything, think that they like you. And if you have to try a [00:31:40] little harder, try a little harder. Michele Morley: That is so perfect and such [00:31:45] good input and infor- I mean, just to feel that from you, that’s [00:31:50] real, and that’s something that any, any one of us can relate to. So [00:31:55] thank you so much.

Thank you for joining us. Thank you for being with us today on YES [00:32:00] Women’s Network podcast, and we hope to see you again soon. Subscribe below. Thank [00:32:05] you. Narrator: Every honest conversation moves a woman forward.

This [00:32:10] is what YES Women’s Network was built for. Faith, relationships, wellbeing, [00:32:15] and finance, and one community that holds you accountable and wants you to win in [00:32:20] every aspect of life. Women rising together. This is [00:32:25] [00:32:30] YES.